Yesterday, was hard…

Yesterday was hard, really hard. This morning I woke up, and for a split second, I forgot all about yesterday, and then it all came crashing back down on me. I didn’t get out of bed until 11 and made myself a big cup of coffee and sat in the silence of the day, hoping that the coffee would somehow work its magic on me and I would feel better.  It didn’t really; it just made me more awake and more aware of yesterday.  Then I remembered something I promised myself; I promised myself I would ride 2,021 miles on my bike this year. To do that, I have to ride 39 miles a week. I looked down at my watch and realized to was the 7th, the end of the first week of 2021, and while it feels like that week and the last 24 hours were a year, I knew I wasn’t at my 39 miles this week.  

So I did something very unlike me, I got off the couch, put on my exercise clothes, climbed on my bike, and started to pedal.  I turned up the music loud to drown out yesterday and pedaled until, at times, I couldn’t breathe.  I pedaled so hard that the only thing my mind could concentrate on was taking that next breath.  At the end of 50 minutes, I realized I had just ridden 10 miles, and I felt slightly better.  

Yesterday was hard, really hard and today is not much better. Honestly, the next 14 days aren’t going to be great, but I have to have hope for the future, Americans as a whole, and in democracy. If you know me, you know I was raised in a strict religious house, and those people believe this is the beginning of the end of times.  I don’t subscribe to that thought now that I’m an adult. But yesterday, for a split second, I did find myself thinking, well, maybe it is the end of the world.  

Ten miles later, dripping in sweat, fighting to breathe, I’m back to my original thinking that it is not the end of the world. Maybe America is going through growing pains.  Maybe what last year, yesterday, and Donald Trump has taught us is how bad things can get. Maybe at the end of my 2,021 miles on my bike, America will realize that all black people want is to be able to live a life without fear. Maybe America will realize that LBGQT people want to love whoever they want without fear.  Maybe America will realize it is better with diversity.  Maybe America can somehow manage to be that shining place that people wanted to emulate. 

Maybe, someday.

In the end, I tallied up my miles on my bike, and this week I logged 46.06 miles.