Who Am I?

All these quizzes on Facebook make me a little nutty.  I have been as guilty as the next when it comes to taking quizzes like “what spice are you” or “what Disney character are you” and “what do your fingers say about you”.  I wonder if Donald Trump took that last one.  But this morning when I saw “What your toes say about your personality” it made me shake my head.  I don’t need to look at my feet to know who I am and you shouldn’t either.  We miss out on a lot of things if we are always looking down at our toes.  Look up, look forward, look deep inside you and know who you are, don’t rely on some silly quiz from Facebook.

Know who you are and be alright with the fact that who you are is always changing.  If you had asked me who I was before Albany and who I was now, I would have to tell you, they are two different people.  The base, the core “me” is the same, but I have these little traits that come out when bad things happen, and I try not to let them change the core me, but it is not an easy job. The Albany experience has left me bitter and angry.  Because I am a firm believer in Karma, I am trying really hard not to wish ill-will on that project, but it takes a conscious effort every morning.

So who am I?

1.  A mom.  Truth be told I never wanted to be a mom and both my chickens were mistakes, but now 25 years later, I couldn’t image life without them. They were the reason I didn’t live on a constant diet of Vodka after my divorces and the reason I dragged myself out of bed every day.  They are, by far, the best thing I’ve done in my life, and somehow they have turned into two of the most amazing people I know.
2. A wife.  If you know me, you know this is my third marriage.  My first marriage lasted seven years and my second marriage lasted nine months; I don’t usually fess up to my second marriage because it was so short, but it happened.  But this third marriage is, without question, my best marriage and my best relationship.  I learned a lot from my past and am happy to report that we are going on 13 years together. There have been plenty of times where the old Gina would have cut her losses and ran, but I didn’t, and our relationship is stronger.
3. A friend. I don’t have many close friends, but the few that I do have mean the world to me. A few are from high school and others I’ve made along the way.  They are scattered all around the country, but if any one of them needed me, I would be there without even asking why. If we become friends, I consider you my friend forever.
4. I Am Old. As I was looking for a watch band I misplaced, I came across my 1997 PA drivers license. I’m not sure exactly why I had that and why I could not find a watch band I had just last week is beyond me. But staring back at me was a 30-year-old me and at that moment, I felt every single year of the 50 years I’ve lived. I took a minute and stared at myself in the bathroom mirror. I wondered who that old woman was staring back at me. She was, for the first time unrecognizable and for the first time in my 50 years I felt as old as that woman looked. You close your eyes, and you are 30, and then you open them and your 50, it goes by that quickly and today I’m having a hard time adjusting.

But most of all, I Am Happy. With all the twist and turns of the last 50 years, it has been more ups than downs. I’ve loved and lost and loved again.  I got to be a mom to two kids I never realized I wanted or needed. I got to grow as a human and become an amazing wife and a good friend. Life is good, and that is enough.