166 Days…

IMG_5338There are more days than not lately that I am feeling happy, lucky and loved. I wish I could go back in time to September 1, 2014, and tell that Gina not to worry. In 166 days, you will be sitting by a beautiful pool in Southern California reading a book and am happy. I’m sure the September 1, 2014, Gina wouldn’t believe the future Gina because 1. Let’s face it who believes in time travel and 2. My despair in those early days was too overwhelming.

I’m certain a lot of things got me here today a few of them are, Rob, Raymond, Alison, Adam and Dena. Without these five glorious people, I wouldn’t have made it through the 166 days and for that I am sure. They pushed me, not so gently at times, to get up and do something, anything. They helped me realize I wasn’t a failure, but a success. I wasn’t a bad person; I was a fabulous person. I wasn’t “getting what I deserved”, I was moving onto a new, fun, exciting adventure. But most of all I was a good, smart, kind, beautiful person, and my future was bright.

So as I sit here this morning, by the pool, in the sun, wearing a smile, my flour. sugar. eggs. shirt (yes I have pants on), and my grey hair showing, I am happy. Honestly happy. A feeling 166 days ago, I was certain I’d never feel again. I have my fantastic support team to thank because without them I am quite sure I’d still be in the fetal position, on the floor, in my apartment in Nashville.

So thank you Dena Fields, you helped me through with your inspirational words, wisdom, and gentle hands making me feel beautiful inside and out every time I left your chair.

Thank you, Adam Hayes.   For your kind words and frustration with me when you knew I was more beautiful and talented than I could see.  I am trying every day to see the Gina that you see, and that’s all because of you.

My sweet baby Raymond.   Thank you for your consent smile, joy and the hugs that only a 6’4″ son can make his sad mother feel. I love the man you have turned into as much as I love that sweet little baby you once were and am proud beyond measure. So thank you Sweet baby Raymond.

My dear sweet Alison.   In you every day I see the woman I hoped I’d be and your success always, but more after I closed the bakery made me feel like I didn’t fail at everything. On the darkest days when I could find nothing to smile about, it was your humor that brightened those days. So thank you my Alabaster.

Rob, there are not enough words in the English language for me to describe how you’ve saved me. You take on all the stress of our kids, our finances and our future all to protect me. You will put our children and me before yourself every single time without hesitation. You were a single mother’s dream, fairytale, only in the movies kind of guy and I don’t know how I would have gotten through the 166 days, let alone the 11 years without you. I love you every day more than words can say. Thank you.

166 days seems like yesterday, yet it seems like a lifetime ago. I am in a place mentally and physically I would never have thought possible, and I am thankful, grateful and happy.

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