Caught Between Two Worlds

As I laid in bed Christmas night, after the kids went back to their apartment, after the kitchen was cleaned and after setting my alarm for 4:30 am, I realized I feel stuck between two worlds. My kid’s world and my world. It’s weird navigating these two worlds. I was used to having little kids around me all the time.   Then I was used to having high school kids only around me occasionally.  I was even used to kids in college, living only a few miles away. I’m not used to having adult kids, with their own apartments, lives and worlds that don’t include me on a daily basis. Every time I think I get use to it, I realize I’m not comfortable with my babies as adults.

From the day they are born, your goal as a parent (or least mine) was to create these self-sufficient, kind, secure adults. In the throes and chaos of raising two kids 13 months apart, mostly on my own, I forgot the ultimate goal. Until, that is, when I woke up one morning, and I was hugging them as they left for their apartment on Christmas night, and I realized I accomplished another goal in my life.

But where does that leave a mother of adult children who don’t live within walking distance? I always had a hard time understanding how my mom did it, four of her five children are a plane ride away from her. I’m lucky enough to be still young enough to enjoy my life.  I don’t look like this sweet old lady in the airport, looking in my small mirror wondering where my youth went, as I wait for the plane to bring me to my “babies.”

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One huge thing I’ve learned since starting this blog, is that things change, all the time. Without change, as uncomfortable as it is, you grow stagnant. In the 116 days since I closed the bakery, I have learned to embrace change and to adjust on the fly. I’m proud of that, almost as I am proud of my adult children.

It’s certainly hard to leave my kids behind, I don’t think that will ever get easier, but I’m adjusting to this new life, and it’s good. My kids are good, my husband is good and against all odds I am good.

*Adam & Ali, photo cred, yours truly

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